Sorry, sea turtles are not on the agenda!

The readings this week were inspirational to me for a number of reasons. Coincidentally(?) they all seemed to have a correlation to the "gut-level prose" philosophy.(Rex, "Focusing Twice Removed") The theme is the same throughout each text; write from the heart, without inhibition. I enjoyed the experiment in Rex's class but at the end of the read, was left with the underlying question; How do we know when we've gone too far in the classroom? Although I agree with many of her points to writing (such as the creativity process and writing as inflection and reflection), we must take extreme caution in crossing the boundaries with our students. At times, we will encounter the student with a compelling experience but I would be leary to exacerbate an occurence such as this. Although in this particular situation the child did seem to benefit from the experience, the consequences of the teacher allowing it to go that far could have resulted in devastating consequences to all parties involved, especially the students and the views of their families. I'm not sure I would have been so bold as to attempt this kind of experiment with my students, but I was equally astonished by the outcome as a success.

Graves elaborated on this theme (writing from the heart)in his view that "the writer should become one with the writing process." I began to realize that I too, often find myself writing on what appears to be a tangent, (much like the lecture on sea turtles at the English conference). Some close-minded administrators and teachers at alsmost any convention can be found jumping to the conclusion that the writing is not on the right topic, or too ambiguous for their taste (or many other sophisticated complaints). Instead of waiting to find out what the writer is actually trying to say, they immediately conclude (and rightfully so in their educated experience); "Sorry, sea turtles are not on the agenda". These are the current leaders of our creative writing curriculum.

Murray--he makes perfect sense. Writing is supposed to teach our students the meaning in their lives. Each of the elements he incorporates into his writings are imperative to creating an interesting and well-rounded work. I like his advice about using your "voice" in writing because it reminded me that I need to incorporate this into my own writing--a detail I very rarely consider. I hardly ever read my writing aloud until after it's finished and audible to my audience. I then make the necessary revisions and submit.

"Ease" then got my attention. I realized this is one of my biggest problems while writing. I must be "stupid" as the text suggests, because I can never create without making a written work difficult. As with many of us, I write for my professors or the expected audience. After all, this is what I have been taught to do. My "voice" ceases to exist because I'm too busy trying to complicate my writing with vernacular and prose that will surely win me my "A" for the piece. If we're in class, I become distracted by the thought that others may hear or read what I've written. Therefore, I spend the majority of my time trying to phrase each thought appropriately and precisely, leaving little room, if any, for my creative flow. I need to stop complicating my writing to impress others, focus on what I have to say, and find the "voice" to say it.

Further, my "needs" tend to overwhelm me. I often fear my heart will guide me on a journey too abstract for the current frames of time and reference of our class. I hold back because of fear of saying too much and fear of rejection, as in Rex's student's piece on rape. A lot of times, my audience may not be ready or willing to hear what I really want to say. Although I'm willing to share my experiences with others, they may not expect or want me to. Sometimes I find it difficult to decide if the timing is right.

Which leads me to the title of my blog; "The Bipolar Writer". My thoughts race endlessly, and there are times where I feel compelled to speak my mind or my heart and it may not necessarily be warranted for that particular situation. Like Murray, I begin writing one thing, then jump to something else until I've exhausted my creativity; much like the manic episodes of Bipolar Disorder. Yes, at one time, I was even diagnosed. I was diagnosed because of my inability to harness my creative flare and need to read, write, paint, draw, sculpt, speak, sing, etc.

If you were to research Bipolar, you would find that many writers have it. In fact, writers are the norm in the realm of this disorder. It seems as though our creative levels soar to a level that can lead to unhealthy forms of self-expression. I often wonder if it's because of our inability to create or write at a particular moment. In other words, if we have no outlet for our creativity, yet we have a NEED to as Murray suggests, would it be innaccurate to assume that this "disorder" is a result of our inbility to express ourselves? I know for me, this is defintely true.

We must learn how to make time to provide ourselves the luxury of writing or contributing to art as a healthy method of self expression. For some of us, this may be next to impossible. Life has a way of taking it's toll on the individual and on their ability to write. Yet, in the right atmoshere and given the time, many people benefit from writing as therapy--especially as they begin to share their innermost thoughts, secrets and experiences. Since I've started writing again, my "symptoms" have not been uncontrollable. I'm happier, I smile more, I'm a better person in general. I'm no longer on meds, and I found that if I continue doing what I love, writing, I only need develop discipline and I'm fine. I may have my quirks from time to time, but who doesn't?

I'm not saying that I feel artistic expression is the answer for everyone, but considering the alternative, anything is worth a shot. To me, it seems a if this "illness" attacks people who are passionate and expressive. Why then, would it seem so odd that many of us are writers and artists? So yes, I wholeheartedly agree with Murray that these elements of writing need to be addressed within the curriculum. Learning to write with ease, finding solitude, sharing the experience and having faith in your ability are the very foundations of writing. Incorporate the other aspects and well, and sea turtles will be added to the agenda. Many of us are not born writers. And some of us are. Either way, I do believe the key to our survival rests in the ability to express ourselves. Even cave writers figured that out. Whether we learn to love writing or whether we are born loving it, we will always have a need to write at some point in our lives. We might as well learn how to now. Remember, it is our right to write.

Oh, and Christina, you're definitely not alone..."Outsiders" like us are what make this world unique. And our experiences and differences are the driving force behind the anarchy of modern English and the linguistic revolution, like it or not. I guess we're supposed to be grateful that public hangings are not still the popular method of keeping us commoners in line...Otherwise, I would be in big trouble. Yay for the Constitution!!!! Don't forget the turtles!!!!